She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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