If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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