Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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