see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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