why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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