mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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