if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
