I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
