everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
