Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
