You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
