every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
