I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
