go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
