like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
