So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
