i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
