I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
