I just made out with a guy for $7.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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