11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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