Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
