you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
