apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
