i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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