it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
