Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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