doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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