Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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