Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
