My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
