i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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