So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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