I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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