she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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