The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The power of my boobs compel you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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