you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
