Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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