too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
