im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Randomize
