My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
