her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
