My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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