All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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