so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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