Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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