My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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