The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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