I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
handjob tips. give me some.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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