I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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