Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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