did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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