I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize