I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
