I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
