If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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