With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
