Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
