Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
