We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
