This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
