remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
