remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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