your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
