and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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