I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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