New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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