I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
